Here are my musings this week…
“Action expresses priorities” — Mahatma Gandhi
Fair week just passed. For those who do not live in agriculturally driven areas….think back to when you read Charlotte’s Web…(if you haven’t read Charlotte’s Web you have been robbed of an important part of your childhood….stop, go read Charlotte’s Web…come back and resume.)
It is a time of year where a lot of invitations come forth:
to ‘hang out’
to go to the rodeo
to go to the dance
to go to concerts
…you get the idea
Anyone (besides me) allergic to small talk?
I suck at it. Worse, the more seasoned on the planet I become the less I can even fake it. I can’t fake anything.
My 20s were about proving I could do it on my own.
My 30’s were about approval and being enough, and worrying about what people thought of me.
The magic that is my 40’s…well I am calling it the ‘fuck it’ decade so far.
I have a hair trigger on the bullshit meter and zero tolerance for not being real. Sometimes I just want to call it out right there in the moment and be like, “Can we just be real for minute?” Sadly, I have found, depending on the setting, being this direct or blunt can make you a social leper. Ask me how I know. 🙂
I also find people make a lot of assumptions about my availability, since I own my own business that must mean I infinite amounts of time flexibility. The reality is, I do have time flexibility. I flex on when I work so I can support my family’s endeavors. Yet, sometimes I still work 100 hours for myself to avoid working 40 for someone else ever again. (I have simply become unemployable.) I am positively terrible at having a boss. It just slows me down and kills my efficiency!…and meetings? Lawd help me! I don’t love meetings.
What does this all boil down to?
I think I am circling in on a point.
There’s no such thing as not having enough time, only what you choose as your priority.
I am in a season that a lot is required of me to live by my priorities. I am ok with it. It is a choice.
When living a life of balance….it’s really rarely a straight 50/50 split.
Things tend to ebb and flow in one direction or another. When living by your priorities sometimes this can shift hard in one direction or the other for a period of time, not an ebb and flow, but a HEAVY imbalance. When this occurs, I call it ‘Intentional Imbalance’. We choose to shift the weight significantly in favor of one direction over another for a period of time.
We give up something(s) in favor of other(s).
I have chosen priorities. In order to live those priorities I have to give up some things in favor of others. I do this intentionally and with purpose. Currently i am giving up social engagement. It is not because I am antisocial; though I am a deep introvert. It is not because I don’t like people; though sometimes it for sure gets a little too people-y out for me. It’s not because I don’t like having friends; through I am quality over quantity.
I could go on illustrating this. I am sure you get my meaning.
I have come under fire, I have been questioned, I have been judged, I have had others try to impose their personal priorities and standards on me and tell me that ‘its simply not healthy’. Lovingly, I say…it is up to us to determine what is healthy and what serves us. Currently, I just don’t have space or desire to do and be everything. I have goals, and plans, and things I want to do. These things require my focus, time, energy, and attention. I know that I can’t do everything sustainably so I have chosen to do a few things really well…..and social focus isn’t currently one of those things. If you don’t put your house in order and keep it in order there is no room for anything else.
Anyone else ever feel this way? How do you consciously shift your priorities in favor of your goals, and how do you stand in your truth when others share their good opinions about it?