I decided that February is the new January and January was just leftovers from 2021…It was a ‘gimme’ month. Slooooow start to the year. Everyone I know and their dog got COVID in January (me too). We are all going to get it…vaccinated or not…I believe we are all going to get it and we have all been exposed to it. I am relieved to have my turn under my belt. As with these inconvenient things…it was inconveniently timed. Is there ever a good time to get COVID? The answer is NO. We would all rather avoid it…but here we are. Thanks, Omicron!
In reflecting on my experience, I realized that the experience was not without its lessons. Lessons I thought worthy of sharing….silver linings and all that right!?
Now let me be clear. PSA: I am in no way suggesting that what I am about to describe is what everyone should do when faced with being sick and it does not make me some sort of hero or warrior. So haters…please sit down, relax, have an adult beverage, hold the judgment and the side-eye. I am merely saying this is what I learned FOR ME…and maybe it helps someone else who can relate to not just COVID…but when times get tough, the tough get going.
For me, Omicron came swift and unexpected. I woke up feeling a little funny in my chest after a long day out with a girlfriend. My first thought was …I just overdid it a little. With every passing hour, I was exponentially worse. My panic began to rise as I was hosting a 3.5-day event at the end of the week. What am I going to do if this gets worse? I can’t reschedule. I have nowhere to reschedule in the coming months…People have been planning this for months. They took 3 days out of work and family time.
Then set in the ‘willing myself to get better with massive amounts of positive self-talk. You are not sick, You are not sick…it’s just a little sniffle…you are NOT sick. You don’t get sick. You have a superhuman immune system
It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine…
Nope…not fine. SO. NOT. FINE.
As a recovering perfectionist, it is easy to get caught up in comparison and the need for everything to be just right…especially when people are paying for services from me. I like to deliver. Honestly….I like to over-deliver. So many things began to get triggered in me. Should I cancel or reschedule? Could I cancel or reschedule? There were people on the inside of the circle who had many and varied opinions that wanted to weigh in and did so…loudly. At the end of the day…the decision is on me. I was faced with listening to my body and listening to my brain. One was not on the same page as the other. It’s a very fine line sometimes in making sure the ‘doing’ does not overtake the ‘being’. I have been in these places before and have not always done the right thing for my body. I knew I needed to proceed with caution.
Here is where my first takeaway from COVID was. COMMITMENT OVER CONVENIENCE
I became reacquainted with ‘commitment over convenience’…and reminded that the two don’t live on the same street.
But what was I committing to? If I said yes to pushing through and hosting the event did it mean I was making my health a convenience? Was there going to be backlash for that? So many questions!
Once I made the decision to push forward with the event no matter what came the next lesson. I not only had to DIG DEEP, but I also had to ASK FOR HELP. I called in all the guides, mentors, and friends and asked for their prayer chains, healing energy, distance sessions, drop-offs of drugs and groceries, telehealth, and the grace of a few reschedules while I just rested. Not an easy thing for a doer. Let’s be honest….I didn’t really have much choice on the rest part as I felt I was getting the ass-kicking of a lifetime for several days in the days leading up to my event. My chest was tight and I was breathless, sore throat lost my voice, ear filled with fluid, nauseous and dizzy, a headache that told me my brain was on fire…the days were a blur, to be honest.
This led me to my next learning….given I could not do anything to prepare for my event, I had to coach myself and repeatedly tell myself to TRUST YOU KNOW YOUR SHIT. This is followed by the next powerful lesson: TAKE IMPERFECT ACTION. It was not as if I had never taught this material, but as a recovering perfectionist, I like to tweak, fine-tune, and re-organize and refine ad infinitum ad nauseum until the minute before people come to live. There was none of that going around. I had to trust myself and my own intuition that everything would flow as it should and everyone would get what they wanted and needed.
Another fine lesson was REST. I am terrible at being idle. I love to be teaching, coaching, solving problems, reading or listening, or DOING something….anything. The order of the day every day was rest. Even during the event, at lunch I crawled into bed and settled in for a power nap, when the event day was done, I took a hot shower and went straight to bed so I would be ready for the next day of the event. It is super rare I go to bed much before midnight. And guess what? No one died because I did. Nothing bad happened because I basically laid around all week leading up to my big event and even in-between event sessions and for most of the week after.
In the end, I found that when you are lucky enough to love what you do and you are inspired from within, you can do hard things and forget how hard they are in the present moment. I love serving those who find their way to my work and in the moments of teaching and listening and supporting those that came to the event I could forget how bad I felt. I could be so deeply present with them and in the ‘moments of now’ everything else melted away for a time. I would crash hard on the breaks and at the end, but within I could just be me. Just being me…was really the secret sauce. When you get to answer your call in the world and stand in your truth every day you really have an infinite well from which to draw what you need.
In short…Here were the big takeaways:
Commitment over convenience.
Ask for help
Trust you know your shit
Take imperfect action
Rest…the sky does not fall.
I know there are so many hard things that can create obstacles. This is mild in comparison. However, it was a good reminder and living example of the above takeaways and it gave me pause. I found myself being grateful to have the opportunity to re-acquaint myself with such things.
Where do these things show up for you? Feel free to share in the comments.